Being Different: You Are Not Alone

Despite that we are being told constantly that we shouldn't care about what people say, the truth is that it DOES affect in one way or the other. It affects because it is human nature to feel approved. Approval make us feel included and feeling included make us belong. We aren't made to be isolated individuals but individuals inside a community.

Now, you might be thinking about those who go against it all and think my words are incorrect. Even though these people seem to go on their own, the truth is they are not alone in the journey the chose; they just haven't found their way to their community.

When I was in school, I felt like I didn't belong. I was a "law abiding teenager" (which is uncommon); I wouldn't do things I believed were stupid choices, always measuring the consequences of those choices. I was called dumb for not joining. Passionate about learning, with a huge imagination, always dreaming high, full of ideas, but they were called silly by others. I studied hard because I wanted scholarships so my mom wouldn't worry about not being able to pay my school- a hunting worry. I was hated quite a lot because of that; my peers simply didn't understand the reasons behind my "nerdiness".  I wouldn't help my classmates cheat during an exam and I knew it would be uncomfortable to deal with them after class being called names, getting shoes thrown my way and even not letting me out of the classroom. Many of my ideas were thrown to the curb as one makes a paper ball and throws it to the trash. It was frustrating and confusing. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong because everything seemed to be against me but it was in my nature; I couldn't rub it off or perhaps I was very strong willed without meaning it. I know of people who are amazing, talented and choose to lower all of their selves just to belong. People who choose to dumb themselves before being rejected.

When I started University everything changed. My classmates were like me. I was still the more nerdy of the class but I was not made fun. Instead, I was being seek for advice, for help, people wanted to hear my ideas and be part of them and I grew more in that time than I did in so many years with my school peers. The difference? I found my community. I wasn't flying solo anymore.

After many years and circumstances that shaped my life into a muddy situation in which I was stuck, I knew I needed to leave my birth country. Who I was just didn't fit well anymore so I end up in Canada. After a week of living here I knew this was my place. That was 8 years ago. During these 8 years I have still feel strongly about that thought and this week I finally became a canadian citizen. It hasn't been easy but it has been gratifying and I have been blessed in many many ways, big and small. I'm flourishing as a person and as an artist. My skills have found their way to help others through Reveal Your True Beauty. I'm blessed but I know I'm still growing and the path is long with bumps on the way. I'm not scared about that. Sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes stressed, sometimes completely ecstatic but not afraid.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and listen to your soul. But really listen to it, in humility and honest truth with yourself. What does it say? Ask questions: What do I truly believe in and why?

It's easy to feel like you don't belong in your own little world, city or even country. Your views of life clash against those of your peers and you feel rejection. You might feel that perhaps you are wrong because everything and everyone around you tells you that. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and listen to your soul. But really listen to it, in humility and honest truth with yourself. What does it say? Ask questions: What do I truly believe in and why?

Now here's the thing: if it's something you truly believe, educate yourself. Learn about what you believe and learn about the opposite too, because being blinded to other points of view make you a foolish person; but learning other perspectives brings wisdom and understanding.

Being blinded to other points of view make you a foolish person; but learning other perspectives brings wisdom and understanding.

Now seek. Seek like-minded people. Find your community. The beauty of living with internet is that you can do it from your own home but don't forget to take the trip and talk too. Living it is another thing and you learn more from the experience. 

You are not alone; just in the wrong place. If everything and everyone around you works against you, break free, find your solace- Find your happiness. Find your True Beauty.

What Do You See In Front Of The Mirror?

Image via Anastasia Amour

As women we have a love/hate relationship with the mirror. You know what I mean: We'll check ourselves in every reflection we find wherever we are. As soon as we wake up in the morning and we go to the bathroom, we check ourselves in the mirror.

But what do you find there looking back at you? What crosses your mind?

- "ugh! Look at those wrinkles...!"
- "What an ugly belly"
- "My boobs are too droopy"
- "my boobs are too tiny"
- "I'm so fat"
- "I wish I had more curves"
- "eeek! Cellulite!"
- "I have horrible bags under my eyes"
- "I'm not pretty enough"
- "If only my hair has curly"
- "If only my hair was straight"
... The list goes on and on...

We are never happy with what we see so we bully ourselves. You might not see it that way but that's what it is. Self bullying. If you don't like the idea of someone verbally attacking you, then why allow yourself to do it? If we don't respect and value ourselves, how can we expect others to do it?

Image via @NaziraSacasa

The main reason of why I created the Reveal Your True Beauty experience is to give you a kickstart towards self confidence, self worth and ultimately self love by turning these concepts into a custom visual reminder to cherish for many years. Sometimes we need to see it to believe it; I know that's what I needed when I believed I was ugly for so long (READ: The Ugly Betty Story And Why I Want To Show Your True Beauty To The World).

Self confidence begins with self respect. I believe it is all a state of mind and that you can easily train your mind to be in the right state. There's only 2 things you need to do to achieve it:

1. Detect every time you are about to bully yourself and stop it.
2. Be consistent about stopping yourself and change your focus.

The more consistent you are, the easier it will be and soon you'll find yourself complimenting the reflection in the mirror instead of attacking it. It all goes back to finding joy.

For example:

- Rather than complaining about our wrinkles what about we see them as what they really are: marks of every single time you have smiled and laughed. "Thank you wrinkles for reminding me of the good moments in my life; I've had a happy life".

- Rather than complaining about droopy breasts, what about we see them for what they really are: Testament of intimate days and nights snuggling your little baby as you fed him/her. "Thank you droopy boobs for reminding me that I was able to feed and nourish my children once. Thank you because you are testament of the love I have for them, that I was willing to sacrifice my own body for their sake. I know what love really is about".

I could keep on going. Is this simple: focus on the garden, no the weeds. Look at the whole of the white tablecloth, don't focus on the little black stain. What's going to be your mind set? It's your choice.

You are not your body, you are your soul. That's what defines you and that's what makes you beautiful.

Wouldn't be nice to have to deal with less worries? We already carry many, why not reduce the list by erasing the little ones and focus on what's really important in our lives? (by little ones I mean the way our body looks).

The choice is yours. You might think it's hard but sweetie, the hardest part is the first step, just as the hardest part of going in the pool is the first dip.

How can you begin? Go to the mirror and give yourself a good look. Write it all down, the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm sure you will at first find more bad things than good; we all are like that and it's ok. Now, for every bad and ugly thing you find, you are going to write in front of it the positive version of it, the good of having the bad. For example: "I love how I can just brush my sleek hair easily and I'm ready to go; don't even have to style it, woohoo!" or "love my temperamental curls, the surprise me every day. Today we'll do..."

Yes, I know what you might say: "but there's nothing good about it!". Yes there is. Think hard. If it's too hard, ask a friend or someone that loves you for who you are.

And now get into action!

You are going to keep your relationship with the mirror but with new rules: every time you catch your reflection or wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, as soon as you find that you are about to bully yourself, say instead the positive version of it; change your state of mind.

There will always be other women with better or worse bodies than yours, so why compare? As long as you know you are taking care of your physical, emotional and mental health because you care about yourself, then you'll be ok. Only compete with yourself; that's were you'll find true happiness.

Image via PrettyInside

Finding Strength To Carry On, Even When You Don't Feel Like It

2015 Started with the wrong foot for me at a personal level. Even though I've been trying to keep my smiley face on and positive attitude, it's hasn't been easy. Especially when I got punched by a fist of bad news on the same week my son was having his second surgery. There was a new announcement every day that week.

Health problems with three family members, my mom going back to Colombia to help after being with me through all of my motherhood career ("I don't know how to be a mom on my own!") and wait for it: a call from the Women's Clinic telling me I had High Grade Dysplasia and needed a L.E.E.P procedure asap. Fun. 

Let's be clear on something: I'm not writing this to rant or to make you feel pity for me. I already had my dose of self pity, because I believe it is healthy to let negative feelings have temporary permission to burst out (I give them a couple of hours or a day, depending on how bad it is). Letting my negative feelings have free range for a limited amount of time  allows my strength and courage to have a rest, breathe, and come back with more power to face what I have to face because you can't simply run away from your problems. 

It's okay to take one step back if it's the one that will give you the impulse to stampede forward.

The reason why I'm sharing all these things with you is because we tend to believe that people with a positive attitude through life and those who always have encouraging words on their lips for everyone are on a pedestal and nothing hurt them or make them doubt about themselves. I'm constantly trying to remind everyone that nobody is perfect and therefore we shouldn't compare ourselves to anyone. 

This is me showing you my vulnerability, so that you know that we are the same. It is okay to feel defeated every now and then; to feel like you can't keep on going, to feel lost, to feel that you are not good enough, to feel angry, sad or cry for hours. But here's the game changer: 

How much freedom and power are you going to allow all these negative feelings?

And here is the reason why I give them temporary reign: To let them know I'M in control; not them. I let them burst because I want to; NOT because THEY want to. Keeping control gives me POWER over them. The next day, I write down a game plan:

- Which problems can I fix? I list them and each one gets it's own list of things I have to do to solve them and I get started right away. If I need help, I ask for it whether I feel embarrassed to ask or not.

- Which problems I cannot fix? Well, here's where my spirituality comes in play and this is personal to everyone. I don't care what religion or ideology you practice, but as long as you have one to hold on to, these problems will be easier than you could believe. I'll share with you how it helps me but YOU have to tailor it to what works for you:

Since I opened my heart to God, it has been quite the journey of learning to forgive myself (because God had already forgiven all my sins) and to learn to trust Him. I've always been the kind of person to try to plan and control absolutely everything, and most of it came to frustration because there are things you just can't control. So learning to trust Him was very hard. Many times I pass him the steering wheel hesitantly and most of those times I would rip it off His hands and try to do it alone, just to fail again. But I gotten better at it because I have found peace in doing that; all my fears are washed away, literally. For example, when I got the news of the High Grade Dysplasia, I couldn't think anything positive out of it. All I could think of was the probability of losing my uterus after talks with my husband of wanting to have another baby this year, or the probability of the L.E.E.P. not working and my Dysplasia developing onto cervical cancer. These fears try to hunt me constantly. But I can't control what's going to happen. I can only do my best which is to allow the doctors do what they do best and place it all on God's hands because He knows better than me what's in store for me. Because He won't put anything on my plate that I can't handle. Because if something bad Does happen, it'll make me stronger. These thoughts bring me peace. I was at peace the day before the procedure and the day of the procedure. The only time I felt nervous was thinking about how painful the procedure was going to be. To my relief, apart from a little spot where the freezing anesthesia didn't work, it was completely painless. 

How do you find the strength to carry on, even when you don't feel like it? Would love to hear about your experience and learn from you too. I'm always on listening and learning mode!

Revealing Chantal: The True Beauty Of A Small Business Owner

Hair And Makeup by Kada Issa from Bombay Beauty Loft, Fashion Styling by Studio Intent Boutique

Chantal Barchard. I'm sure many of you know her. She's the amazing lady behind Studio Intent Boutique. Yes, the same one that styles all the amazing ladies that have been in front of my camera so far. It was about time we revealed her true beauty too, right?

She is indeed an amazing woman; kind, generous, poise, always looking amazing and elegant in everything she does and one of my favourite things, she stands to her word. You can trust that she'll do as she says (I love that because I'm the same and feels sometimes like is hard to find that nowadays); very trustworthy. She's been such a big supporter of Reveal Your True Beauty! And I want to share with you the story:

I've been a photographer for 10 years now; ten years! Makes me feel old hahaha! And I began my photography business in Canada in 2011. But it was this year that I pushed the reset button for my business and started putting all my attention on my new baby: the Reveal Your True Beauty Project. I needed to spread the word to all women in Calgary, but how? So an idea came to mind; reach out to local boutiques and give them 5 sessions to gift their clients, free of charge. Only 3 would get this offer. The intention was to help them market themselves, increase sales, and spreading the word of what I do would tag along. My "sample" work were pictures of my mom and a close friend. I had an impeccable presentation and my fashion portfolio to show as well. Of all the boutiques I reached out to (and it was a lot of boutiques), only Chantal agreed to meet with me and she understood the concept, the passion behind it and the opportunity of giving something special and meaningful to 5 of her clients. The rest, as you can see, is history. 

I find it very interesting how someone's decision can create a ripple effect. Have you been aware of it in your life? Have you noticed that word, that drop that falls out of your mouth or others and transforms your life... or others'? Isn't that amazing??

I'm grateful beyond words for getting to know her and sharing in the adventures this year have brought, but specially for those seconds when she said "Yes" to my project. I support her work too, because it is made with great intention behind, just like the name of her boutique and with a passionate heart for what she does; you can feel it as you walk in her store. As all our clients have experienced, and I'm sure you agree, going to her boutique is like walking inside your dream closet and play dress up. Picture it. That's how fun it is!

So thank you Chantal for putting your trust in me but most of all for how amazing and awesome you are. There's definitely not two like you; I'm happy you are part of my life now. A truly beautiful person on the inside and outside.

Have you met Chantal? Share her awesomeness on the comments; it's a great opportunity for you to celebrate her too!

Revealing Marnie: The Impersonation Of Goodness

Hair and Makeup by Kada from Bombay Beauty Loft. Styling by Cherry Chic Designs

The day of Marnie's Reveal Your True Beauty session had started with the wrong foot for me. I was not feeling well emotionally and was very worried about it affecting the overall of her session. How could I bring out the beauty in her if I was struggling with an emotional overcast? I was worried she would feel uncomfortable because I was uncomfortable with myself that day.

I had read her form of course, and what I read gave me the hope that her presence would ease the pain. And on my way to meet with her I kept praying like a mantra to forget about myself and make it all about her, it was not about me.

When she arrived it was like a ray of sunshine with her big, beautiful and sincere smile, so excited to do her session. Marnie is a lady you would love hanging out with or just being near her. She has this comfortable energy you want to dwell in.

All about who she is smiles, absolutely all of it; and what a sincere smile it is! A smile full of absolute joy. As if God had answer my prayers, I was happy and had an amazing time that made me forget about my sadness that day. In fact, when I mentioned it to Marnie, she couldn't believe it. "You seemed so happy that day that I would have never guessed you were struggling" was what she said. My reply was "yes, I WAS happy, thanks to you. You are one amazing lady!".

           

As someone close to her mentioned in the form:

"Marnie is an incredibly energetic, dedicated, driven, strong minded beautiful woman. Her aura is amazing!"

I am convinced this is true.


But let's see what Marnie has to say about her Reveal Your True Beauty experience:

"In June of this year I had the very special honour of working with Fela 

Photography for a "makeover" session. Greeted by Fela in a lovely, fun, 

supportive atmosphere at Bombay Beauty Loft I had my makeup done for the 

first time in 15 years, by amazing Kada, slipped on my gorgeous Cherry Chic 

Design dress from Valrie, then Fela worked her magic. She made me 

feel instantly sparkly and beautiful. Fela has this spirit of 

mischief coupled with sincere delight and passion for her craft. She worked to 

help me with poses and bring out my best, and it was so much fun. We laughed 

during the whole session and it comes through on the photos. When it 

came time for the "reveal" I was taken back by how beautifully they turned out 

and the quality of what Fela created. I am so sincerely grateful to 

have had this opportunity and I would highly 

recommend not only Fela, but also experiencing a 

Reveal Your True Beauty session. It was a blast!"

     

What I've Learned From You So Far

I little context to today's post:

Though you might not believe it, I'm actually quite the introvert and sometimes even shy (specially in group setting where I barely know people or don't know anybody at all). For an introvert, investing our energy in others is a hard and exhausting task, that's why we have to learn to pick wisely; if you have our attention is because we believe every second of it is absolutely worth it. I love this comic explanation of what's an introvert; totally nailed it.

Now, on with the tale...!

It feels weird for me to call "client" the people I photograph. Yes, there's a financial transaction between us because that's what I do for a living, but each person also brings invaluable things to my life.

As I have mentioned many times before not only through my blog but through my social media and interviews, every session builds a connexion; I learned to know each one because there's a level of trust that we built before, during and after your session. It's my natural way to find and see the beauty that lies within you. Though I won't know absolutely everything about how your life is, I know who you are as a person. Every time I get a chance to see you again or talk or write fills me with joy, because I value your company and your presence even when is only your name popping up on my inbox. So in short, the people I photograph fill my life with positivism, light and motivation to keep doing what I do because meeting you has been an amazing journey in itself.

Though I strive to be able to show you how amazing you truly are I also have learned from you. Each interaction I've had with the people I photograph makes me feel a little more comfortable to put myself out there and interact with others; kind of a silly reassurance that people "don't bite" hahaha! 

I'm getting more comfortable at initiating a conversation with strangers. Even on my way to the park with my son, I have found myself short-talking to random people on the street! Believe me, I always thought that would never happen ("beautiful dog, is my favourite breed!""What a beautiful apple tree you have; love all the fruit hanging from it!"). There's still a lot of work to be done, but I wanted to let you know that your presence in my life, even if it was for 2 hours that day I photographed you, is teaching me a lot. I'm learning to breakout from those "social fears" that were stopping me from being more me and I'm grateful.

I'm grateful because the simple exercise of seeing beauty in you, is helping me to see it everywhere too. It's going on autopilot now and I'm embracing it all because is making my life brighter and better. And by making my life brighter and better, I'll be able to bring a bit of sunshine to others as well. A cyclic motion I guess.

I once heard that in order to love someone, you have to understand them first. Practicing this philosophy with your help has proven it right. Thank you!

I want to leave you with this:

Real beauty is found in the heart and the mind of a person, giving fruit to goodness that impacts the world and the people around them. Is that which leaves a positive mark, an impression on everything it touches therefore, making everything it touches beautiful as well. So in other words, thank you for making me beautiful too. 

Big hugs!