Being Different: You Are Not Alone

Despite that we are being told constantly that we shouldn't care about what people say, the truth is that it DOES affect in one way or the other. It affects because it is human nature to feel approved. Approval make us feel included and feeling included make us belong. We aren't made to be isolated individuals but individuals inside a community.

Now, you might be thinking about those who go against it all and think my words are incorrect. Even though these people seem to go on their own, the truth is they are not alone in the journey the chose; they just haven't found their way to their community.

When I was in school, I felt like I didn't belong. I was a "law abiding teenager" (which is uncommon); I wouldn't do things I believed were stupid choices, always measuring the consequences of those choices. I was called dumb for not joining. Passionate about learning, with a huge imagination, always dreaming high, full of ideas, but they were called silly by others. I studied hard because I wanted scholarships so my mom wouldn't worry about not being able to pay my school- a hunting worry. I was hated quite a lot because of that; my peers simply didn't understand the reasons behind my "nerdiness".  I wouldn't help my classmates cheat during an exam and I knew it would be uncomfortable to deal with them after class being called names, getting shoes thrown my way and even not letting me out of the classroom. Many of my ideas were thrown to the curb as one makes a paper ball and throws it to the trash. It was frustrating and confusing. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong because everything seemed to be against me but it was in my nature; I couldn't rub it off or perhaps I was very strong willed without meaning it. I know of people who are amazing, talented and choose to lower all of their selves just to belong. People who choose to dumb themselves before being rejected.

When I started University everything changed. My classmates were like me. I was still the more nerdy of the class but I was not made fun. Instead, I was being seek for advice, for help, people wanted to hear my ideas and be part of them and I grew more in that time than I did in so many years with my school peers. The difference? I found my community. I wasn't flying solo anymore.

After many years and circumstances that shaped my life into a muddy situation in which I was stuck, I knew I needed to leave my birth country. Who I was just didn't fit well anymore so I end up in Canada. After a week of living here I knew this was my place. That was 8 years ago. During these 8 years I have still feel strongly about that thought and this week I finally became a canadian citizen. It hasn't been easy but it has been gratifying and I have been blessed in many many ways, big and small. I'm flourishing as a person and as an artist. My skills have found their way to help others through Reveal Your True Beauty. I'm blessed but I know I'm still growing and the path is long with bumps on the way. I'm not scared about that. Sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes stressed, sometimes completely ecstatic but not afraid.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and listen to your soul. But really listen to it, in humility and honest truth with yourself. What does it say? Ask questions: What do I truly believe in and why?

It's easy to feel like you don't belong in your own little world, city or even country. Your views of life clash against those of your peers and you feel rejection. You might feel that perhaps you are wrong because everything and everyone around you tells you that. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and listen to your soul. But really listen to it, in humility and honest truth with yourself. What does it say? Ask questions: What do I truly believe in and why?

Now here's the thing: if it's something you truly believe, educate yourself. Learn about what you believe and learn about the opposite too, because being blinded to other points of view make you a foolish person; but learning other perspectives brings wisdom and understanding.

Being blinded to other points of view make you a foolish person; but learning other perspectives brings wisdom and understanding.

Now seek. Seek like-minded people. Find your community. The beauty of living with internet is that you can do it from your own home but don't forget to take the trip and talk too. Living it is another thing and you learn more from the experience. 

You are not alone; just in the wrong place. If everything and everyone around you works against you, break free, find your solace- Find your happiness. Find your True Beauty.

Reveal Your True Beauty: It Starts With Forgiveness

This were words I lived by on my early twenties and time and experience have taught me not to take them literally. Though this words allowed me to have many stories, experiences and opportunities to learn and grow from, there are also things I wish I could go back and change. Many choices that were poor in judgement and from which I didn't learn but grew in pain. 

I'm sure you have them too. Well, we're going to get a ride on the not-so-pleasant memory lane today because we'll use them to grow from them. Finally some good use to those bad memories!

**NOTE: As you may have noticed before in various posts here, there's a lot of spirituality in understanding one's self. I personally am Christian and so my examples come from my spiritual practices but I invite you to adjust it to YOUR spiritual practices.

We often hear about forgiveness as the start of a spiritual path. The first thing that comes to mind is forgiving those who hurt us; that's actually easier than you think: when you forgive yourself FIRST. But forgiving oneself is easier said than done because when we begin our spiritual journey, we start in a state of spiritual ignorance, so there are many things we don't understand as deep as we need to. Growth comes from building the path of our journey with teeth and nails but with the conviction of coming out of it as better people, equipping ourselves on the go. One of the heaviest rocks we need to remove is guilt. 

In Christianity it is common knowledge that when you accept Jesus in your heart, all your sins are forgiven thanks to His sacrifice on the cross and the power of God's Grace. Yet, though we expect this to happen as a magical spell in which the weight of our sins is lifted off our shoulders, we find that the guilt is still there. Why? Is it that He didn't forgive me? He absolutely did, but we are the ones holding tight to that weight.  

The reason why our guilt of the sins we committed is still there is because we haven't forgiven ourselves.

Just as we are our worst critics when we see our bodies in front of the mirror, we are also are strongest condemners when it comes to things we have done in the past that we regret. If we don't let go of those anchors, we won't be able to move forward and we're going to have a lot of difficulties forgiving those who hurt us as well. But how do we do that?

Life has taught me that everything happens for a reason. Everything, absolutely EVERYTHING is a piece of the puzzle that gives meaning to each of our lives. We can never understand why things happen when they happen but when we overcome the different seasons of hardship we endure through it, or better said, when we get out of the hole/tunnel, those things make absolute sense. They make us stronger, wiser, humble, but more importantly, they connect us, through understanding, to other people who have gone through similar challenges as well. When this happens, we understand others better, and the reasons why they did what they did. We judge less and understand more. 

When we understand, we love. When we love, we forgive. When we forgive, we grow spiritually- We become better humans.

So, I invite you to look back at all those things that hurt in the past and present. Make a list if you need to have them in writing. I challenge you to make a "Life Map". Connect the dots. Find the connection of these experiences with who you are now. How did they shape you? Think of choice situations; what would have happened if I made a different choice? Where would I be?

For example: My experience with my first job in Canada as a Live-in Caregiver was bad; I was humiliated constantly and living in fear. When I was close to meeting the time criteria to apply for my permanent residence, I was laid off (6 months short!). Being in a constant negative environment for 18 months without my family here to aid me brought me to depression. I had to go to counselling and deal with all the changes at the same time. With the help of friends I was able to find a job very quickly as a live-in caregiver to finish the time I needed. This second job was the best thing that happened to me; not only was the family kind but their trust in me and the love they gave me help to heal me. At this point, I saw my first experience as a blessing in disguise. Why? Because if I hadn't gone through such an awful experience, I wouldn't have appreciate the new family the way I did. It put me in the shoes of many immigrants trying to make their dreams come true and believing in a better life when going back is not an option. It made me understand people who live with depression every day; I know how it feels. I learned to put my pride aside and ask for help and many other things that would make this a very long post. I was angry with myself for a long time because I felt I allowed all that to happen but I understood it wasn't something I chose, it was something I needed to go through to humble me and connect more with not only myself but many others in many different levels. The experience was used to make me a better version of myself and every little thing and every person involved played a huge part on it. 

What would have happened if I had chosen to give up and just go back to my country? I wouldn't have met my husband, my amazing son wouldn't exist, I would be struggling with finding a job in a third world country so my family could survive each month, I wouldn't be able to be a photographer or help my family in the way I wanted and I would definitely not be here right now sending light your way to help you and guide you to overcome your own challenges and grow the amazing beauty that resides inside you and it's waiting to shine out.

Yes. Absolutely everything happens for a reason but this understanding and healing begins with forgiving yourself first. The weight WILL be lift off if you let go of it. Do you receive that?

What Do You See In Front Of The Mirror?

Image via Anastasia Amour

As women we have a love/hate relationship with the mirror. You know what I mean: We'll check ourselves in every reflection we find wherever we are. As soon as we wake up in the morning and we go to the bathroom, we check ourselves in the mirror.

But what do you find there looking back at you? What crosses your mind?

- "ugh! Look at those wrinkles...!"
- "What an ugly belly"
- "My boobs are too droopy"
- "my boobs are too tiny"
- "I'm so fat"
- "I wish I had more curves"
- "eeek! Cellulite!"
- "I have horrible bags under my eyes"
- "I'm not pretty enough"
- "If only my hair has curly"
- "If only my hair was straight"
... The list goes on and on...

We are never happy with what we see so we bully ourselves. You might not see it that way but that's what it is. Self bullying. If you don't like the idea of someone verbally attacking you, then why allow yourself to do it? If we don't respect and value ourselves, how can we expect others to do it?

Image via @NaziraSacasa

The main reason of why I created the Reveal Your True Beauty experience is to give you a kickstart towards self confidence, self worth and ultimately self love by turning these concepts into a custom visual reminder to cherish for many years. Sometimes we need to see it to believe it; I know that's what I needed when I believed I was ugly for so long (READ: The Ugly Betty Story And Why I Want To Show Your True Beauty To The World).

Self confidence begins with self respect. I believe it is all a state of mind and that you can easily train your mind to be in the right state. There's only 2 things you need to do to achieve it:

1. Detect every time you are about to bully yourself and stop it.
2. Be consistent about stopping yourself and change your focus.

The more consistent you are, the easier it will be and soon you'll find yourself complimenting the reflection in the mirror instead of attacking it. It all goes back to finding joy.

For example:

- Rather than complaining about our wrinkles what about we see them as what they really are: marks of every single time you have smiled and laughed. "Thank you wrinkles for reminding me of the good moments in my life; I've had a happy life".

- Rather than complaining about droopy breasts, what about we see them for what they really are: Testament of intimate days and nights snuggling your little baby as you fed him/her. "Thank you droopy boobs for reminding me that I was able to feed and nourish my children once. Thank you because you are testament of the love I have for them, that I was willing to sacrifice my own body for their sake. I know what love really is about".

I could keep on going. Is this simple: focus on the garden, no the weeds. Look at the whole of the white tablecloth, don't focus on the little black stain. What's going to be your mind set? It's your choice.

You are not your body, you are your soul. That's what defines you and that's what makes you beautiful.

Wouldn't be nice to have to deal with less worries? We already carry many, why not reduce the list by erasing the little ones and focus on what's really important in our lives? (by little ones I mean the way our body looks).

The choice is yours. You might think it's hard but sweetie, the hardest part is the first step, just as the hardest part of going in the pool is the first dip.

How can you begin? Go to the mirror and give yourself a good look. Write it all down, the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm sure you will at first find more bad things than good; we all are like that and it's ok. Now, for every bad and ugly thing you find, you are going to write in front of it the positive version of it, the good of having the bad. For example: "I love how I can just brush my sleek hair easily and I'm ready to go; don't even have to style it, woohoo!" or "love my temperamental curls, the surprise me every day. Today we'll do..."

Yes, I know what you might say: "but there's nothing good about it!". Yes there is. Think hard. If it's too hard, ask a friend or someone that loves you for who you are.

And now get into action!

You are going to keep your relationship with the mirror but with new rules: every time you catch your reflection or wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, as soon as you find that you are about to bully yourself, say instead the positive version of it; change your state of mind.

There will always be other women with better or worse bodies than yours, so why compare? As long as you know you are taking care of your physical, emotional and mental health because you care about yourself, then you'll be ok. Only compete with yourself; that's were you'll find true happiness.

Image via PrettyInside

What Makes You Beautiful

Last year I had an enlightening moment. I was going through the specifics of the vision I have for my business; an exercise I try to practice regularly to keep my focus on the right path for the Reveal Your True Beauty experience. I was thinking about the lack of tools and guidance I had when a teenager and wondered how much it would have helped back then and how much more impact it would have at young age instead of adult life. 

I thought about the strength of my personal story and how, despite how hard it seemed at the time, I was able to understand it, overcome it and learn from it. I thought about how I could reach out to teen girls and be there for them just as I would have liked to have a positive guidance about what to do with myself in a world that was telling me that being myself was wrong. 

2014 was a big year for empowering women campaigns around the world. I knew I wasn't alone on wanting to help young generations so I googled it, plain and simple. that's when I found Young Women Of Power or YWOP. 

Their goal is simple: 

"When girls leave our conference they will go away embracing who they are, motivated to support other girls and inspired to creatively use their talents to encourage and uplift those around them."

“I am a Beautiful, Wise, Powerful Woman of Principle”

Does it sound familiar? Of course it does, it's so connected to what we do with Reveal Your True Beauty, I was so excited! I emailed Alison, the founder, and shared my story with her. She emailed back eager to meet and so we did. Now, I'm very happy to say I will be speaking to girls between the ages of 12 and 18 about finding beauty by learning to love.

As I'm organizing my ideas for the workshop, I can't stop but thinking that is something that women of all ages need to learn and so, I'll share it through here. Not as I will say it at the workshop but as it's created. As words and ideas come to mind to form the final speech but also more detailed than the final sketch will be. As you know, these are ideas that come to mind from a personal level, from experience in walking the journey of self discovery and self love. I'm not a professional in this matter, just someone who shares her thoughts hoping I can share with you a bit of light to help you find your own path.

On April 17th/15, I'll be one of the speakers at the annual workshop organized by Young Women of Power. 

What makes you beautiful is the capacity of learning to accept yourself and to forgive yourself in order to not think of yourself, so that your personal growth is focused towards being a better person for others, by staying true to who you really are. At the end, is the light that shines within you towards others that make you beautiful.

What? Please let me elaborate on that:

What happens when you check off things from a to-do list? You don't have to think of it anymore, right? It's done and gone. Accepting and forgiving ourselves are the ink and pen that checks off worries from our list. So what happens then? Those things you don't like about yourself, those insecurities that don't let you be who you are, are done and gone, leaving you with more time and energy to invest in better things to do. When you accept and forgive yourself, you understand yourself which makes you love yourself. 

What happens when you love someone? You give them your all; you like making them happy, you are filled with joy when you can help them be their better selves and when they make a mistake, you don't judge them, you give them your gracious hand to help them get out of the mud and try again, because nobody is perfect.

Now let's write again the paragraph above but with a twist:

What happens when you love yourself? You give yourself your all; you like making yourself happy, you are filled with joy when you can help yourself be your better self and when you make a mistake, you don't judge yourself, you show yourself grace to get out of the mud and try again, because nobody is perfect.

Now, let's hold on to that thought and let's read below a more universally known paragraph (and wiser too):

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

 Can you apply those words towards you?

When you get to this state of mind, it all comes effortlessly so you forget about yourself, because "yourself" is not a worry anymore. If you love yourself in that way, instinctively you'll do the same to others. That bright flame you've been working on inside you will grow into a beautiful lighthouse that guides others in their own paths. And all by being who you really are. Isn't it amazing?

So when you have the right focus towards yourself, it is not a selfish act but rather an act of selflessness because it'll be others who will taste the fruit of the work you do in yourself, because it is others who will see your bright light shine through and be inspired by your true being to also be their better selves.

All it takes is the first step towards the right direction. The first step might be the hardest but also so rewarding.

Be true to yourself to find your truth.