Saturday, 30 June 2012

Making Sense of these Piles

Photo by Fela Photography

I can say I'm an organized person. Give me a messy room and you'll be impress with what happens after. My methodology is piling everything by "category" while throwing away the useless trash; then I proceed to place each group in the right spot organized by size, color or alphabetically and finally if necessary, I'll tag the the storage box or drawer. Yes, I am very good at it and it makes me feel good to see the final result after all that work. Is not a huge life achievement but is the achievement of the hour and I celebrate it with my own not-seen-by-other-eyes happy dance.

But I'm bad at keeping the personal and intangible tidy. It is always said to make a list of your short, mid and long term goals; create plans for your life. I have tried all these by going by the book and guess how many have gone exactly as planned... none. And then I find myself buried in piles of worry, frustration and fight for what I wrote down vs. what's really happening. Nothing makes sense and it becomes this big mess in my head which I cannot understand plus the shame of not being at the level of society's "aspirations" even though I DO try. 

But I also have clarity moments when my mind is able to pile them in categories and trash the useless thoughts and behaviors. Then the incredible happens: I'm able to make art out these piles; shape them and transform them into beautiful creations I make tangible for people to see, for people to connect with thanks to my photography, and that just feels amazing! Then everything makes sense and I know it be alright. Yes, everything WILL be alright.