Reveal Your True Beauty: It Starts With Forgiveness

This were words I lived by on my early twenties and time and experience have taught me not to take them literally. Though this words allowed me to have many stories, experiences and opportunities to learn and grow from, there are also things I wish I could go back and change. Many choices that were poor in judgement and from which I didn't learn but grew in pain. 

I'm sure you have them too. Well, we're going to get a ride on the not-so-pleasant memory lane today because we'll use them to grow from them. Finally some good use to those bad memories!

**NOTE: As you may have noticed before in various posts here, there's a lot of spirituality in understanding one's self. I personally am Christian and so my examples come from my spiritual practices but I invite you to adjust it to YOUR spiritual practices.

We often hear about forgiveness as the start of a spiritual path. The first thing that comes to mind is forgiving those who hurt us; that's actually easier than you think: when you forgive yourself FIRST. But forgiving oneself is easier said than done because when we begin our spiritual journey, we start in a state of spiritual ignorance, so there are many things we don't understand as deep as we need to. Growth comes from building the path of our journey with teeth and nails but with the conviction of coming out of it as better people, equipping ourselves on the go. One of the heaviest rocks we need to remove is guilt. 

In Christianity it is common knowledge that when you accept Jesus in your heart, all your sins are forgiven thanks to His sacrifice on the cross and the power of God's Grace. Yet, though we expect this to happen as a magical spell in which the weight of our sins is lifted off our shoulders, we find that the guilt is still there. Why? Is it that He didn't forgive me? He absolutely did, but we are the ones holding tight to that weight.  

The reason why our guilt of the sins we committed is still there is because we haven't forgiven ourselves.

Just as we are our worst critics when we see our bodies in front of the mirror, we are also are strongest condemners when it comes to things we have done in the past that we regret. If we don't let go of those anchors, we won't be able to move forward and we're going to have a lot of difficulties forgiving those who hurt us as well. But how do we do that?

Life has taught me that everything happens for a reason. Everything, absolutely EVERYTHING is a piece of the puzzle that gives meaning to each of our lives. We can never understand why things happen when they happen but when we overcome the different seasons of hardship we endure through it, or better said, when we get out of the hole/tunnel, those things make absolute sense. They make us stronger, wiser, humble, but more importantly, they connect us, through understanding, to other people who have gone through similar challenges as well. When this happens, we understand others better, and the reasons why they did what they did. We judge less and understand more. 

When we understand, we love. When we love, we forgive. When we forgive, we grow spiritually- We become better humans.

So, I invite you to look back at all those things that hurt in the past and present. Make a list if you need to have them in writing. I challenge you to make a "Life Map". Connect the dots. Find the connection of these experiences with who you are now. How did they shape you? Think of choice situations; what would have happened if I made a different choice? Where would I be?

For example: My experience with my first job in Canada as a Live-in Caregiver was bad; I was humiliated constantly and living in fear. When I was close to meeting the time criteria to apply for my permanent residence, I was laid off (6 months short!). Being in a constant negative environment for 18 months without my family here to aid me brought me to depression. I had to go to counselling and deal with all the changes at the same time. With the help of friends I was able to find a job very quickly as a live-in caregiver to finish the time I needed. This second job was the best thing that happened to me; not only was the family kind but their trust in me and the love they gave me help to heal me. At this point, I saw my first experience as a blessing in disguise. Why? Because if I hadn't gone through such an awful experience, I wouldn't have appreciate the new family the way I did. It put me in the shoes of many immigrants trying to make their dreams come true and believing in a better life when going back is not an option. It made me understand people who live with depression every day; I know how it feels. I learned to put my pride aside and ask for help and many other things that would make this a very long post. I was angry with myself for a long time because I felt I allowed all that to happen but I understood it wasn't something I chose, it was something I needed to go through to humble me and connect more with not only myself but many others in many different levels. The experience was used to make me a better version of myself and every little thing and every person involved played a huge part on it. 

What would have happened if I had chosen to give up and just go back to my country? I wouldn't have met my husband, my amazing son wouldn't exist, I would be struggling with finding a job in a third world country so my family could survive each month, I wouldn't be able to be a photographer or help my family in the way I wanted and I would definitely not be here right now sending light your way to help you and guide you to overcome your own challenges and grow the amazing beauty that resides inside you and it's waiting to shine out.

Yes. Absolutely everything happens for a reason but this understanding and healing begins with forgiving yourself first. The weight WILL be lift off if you let go of it. Do you receive that?

What I've Learned From You So Far

I little context to today's post:

Though you might not believe it, I'm actually quite the introvert and sometimes even shy (specially in group setting where I barely know people or don't know anybody at all). For an introvert, investing our energy in others is a hard and exhausting task, that's why we have to learn to pick wisely; if you have our attention is because we believe every second of it is absolutely worth it. I love this comic explanation of what's an introvert; totally nailed it.

Now, on with the tale...!

It feels weird for me to call "client" the people I photograph. Yes, there's a financial transaction between us because that's what I do for a living, but each person also brings invaluable things to my life.

As I have mentioned many times before not only through my blog but through my social media and interviews, every session builds a connexion; I learned to know each one because there's a level of trust that we built before, during and after your session. It's my natural way to find and see the beauty that lies within you. Though I won't know absolutely everything about how your life is, I know who you are as a person. Every time I get a chance to see you again or talk or write fills me with joy, because I value your company and your presence even when is only your name popping up on my inbox. So in short, the people I photograph fill my life with positivism, light and motivation to keep doing what I do because meeting you has been an amazing journey in itself.

Though I strive to be able to show you how amazing you truly are I also have learned from you. Each interaction I've had with the people I photograph makes me feel a little more comfortable to put myself out there and interact with others; kind of a silly reassurance that people "don't bite" hahaha! 

I'm getting more comfortable at initiating a conversation with strangers. Even on my way to the park with my son, I have found myself short-talking to random people on the street! Believe me, I always thought that would never happen ("beautiful dog, is my favourite breed!""What a beautiful apple tree you have; love all the fruit hanging from it!"). There's still a lot of work to be done, but I wanted to let you know that your presence in my life, even if it was for 2 hours that day I photographed you, is teaching me a lot. I'm learning to breakout from those "social fears" that were stopping me from being more me and I'm grateful.

I'm grateful because the simple exercise of seeing beauty in you, is helping me to see it everywhere too. It's going on autopilot now and I'm embracing it all because is making my life brighter and better. And by making my life brighter and better, I'll be able to bring a bit of sunshine to others as well. A cyclic motion I guess.

I once heard that in order to love someone, you have to understand them first. Practicing this philosophy with your help has proven it right. Thank you!

I want to leave you with this:

Real beauty is found in the heart and the mind of a person, giving fruit to goodness that impacts the world and the people around them. Is that which leaves a positive mark, an impression on everything it touches therefore, making everything it touches beautiful as well. So in other words, thank you for making me beautiful too. 

Big hugs!

I'm Not Ugly Betty, Now What? The Beginning of a Journey

"It's not easy to put our hearts out there. We worry about their vulnerability and we are afraid of what may cause them harm; we don't like feeling broken. The thing is, only when we learn to love our true selves, flawed and all, the same way God loves us, we'll be able to bring our hearts out of their hiding because only then, they'll be clothed in a powerful protective armour which is Love. Love feeds love and love cannot grow from where there's hate. Therefore, start with loving yourself so that you may love others as flawed as you are. "Flaw" doesn't have to be a negative word but an encouraging word to step on; to rise to our better selves". 

This are the words I posted yesterday on my social media. I have been thinking a lot about this topic for a while, mainly because of the Reveal Your True Beauty sessions we've been doing with the team lately and the blog post "The Ugly Betty Story and Why I Want To Show Your True Beauty To The World" that I wrote a while back.

As we put it on the website:

"Reveal Your True Beauty is the ignition, the much needed spark, the beginning of a journey to get you moving into embracing who you really are with what you already have. It's the opportunity to have the best of you, your inner beauty (your REAL beauty), portrayed in an image that you can go back to anytime you need; it's a reminder of how truly beautiful you are".

But what happens next? 
Embracing our true beauty is a process we have to go through. Everybody's process is different; faster for some, slower for others. Realistically, we cannot expect the "metamorphosis" to happen in a week and we can't expect it to happen on it's own. 
I believe example is the best way to explain it, so I'll share with you how it was for me:


This is me were I left you on the Ugly Betty post: Finding out I had beauty in me: This was the spark I needed.Working on portraying it out of my inner self: That was the hardest and longest part because I'm broken. Because I have daddy issues, because I was told I would end up living a lonely life, because I had to stop believing the lies I heard and believed about myself.


I found my true inner beauty but was still so insecure that at the beginning I took the wrong approach, just like when you take the wrong turn when you're driving and you have to do a huge loop to be able to get back to the same spot to take the other turn instead. Under poor advice (not ill intended though; they actually believed this to be true) I was taught that showing my true beauty was about looking sexy all the time; wearing cleavage and tight clothes, masking my face with a lot of makeup and keeping my hair straight because my curls were ugly. I was so obsessed with leaving the ugly Betty behind that I fell for the beauty standards trap. It's impossible for someone who begins this type of journey to know the real truth when everything around you points the opposite direction with false "truth" signs.

What was the consequence of my detour? I started attracting guys (finally, woohoo!) but, for the wrong reasons. The ones that actually liked me for me wouldn't approach me (this still puzzles me. I know from mutual friends of a couple of guys who had a crush on me and I had no idea! I still wonder how would my life had been if they would have stepped forward? How would that have changed me or my life? But that's another topic). And my insecurities and daddy issues made me automatically try to fit in what was expected of me by them; basically grabbing crumbs of love because it would prove that I was beautiful and I wouldn't end up alone. I felt like I was cool and belonged many times, but just at the beginning. Afterwards I noticed a pattern of lack of respect that was diminishing me instead of helping me grow and flourish. Lack of respect from them and from me. Which made me fall in the thought of "I'm not pretty enough", which made me come back to more cleavage, more tight clothes, more makeup and so forth... a cycle. And a destructive bad one. If you're not respecting yourself, that's what you'll saw. It was when an ex-boyfriend made me promise him when we broke up that I was going to start respecting myself and find someone that would respect me as well what hit me.
I started to analyze my processing. Was it aligned with God? was it aligned with myself? With what I believed to be the right thing? I'm a smart person, how could I fall for all this so easily? 

I believe everything happens for a reason; there's blessings in disguise everywhere, happening all the time. We don't see them as we are struggling but once we come out of our struggle, we can see the whole picture. 

My current and true no makeup self on a work break. Finally loving my curls!

These experiences were my blessings in disguise. Why? Because I learned to "beautify" myself because I WANT to, not because I HAVE to.
Because I learned from them what I want and don't want for my life. 
Because sometimes we have to hit the ground to stand up again with head held high and move forward. Because I was placed face to face with my insecurities so I could fight them and come out victorious. Because they were the tools through which I learned to love myself. Truly love myself.Because when you truly love yourself, your respect yourself, you are confident of who you are and what you want.Because when you truly love yourself it's easier to truly love others in their imperfection.Because these experiences helped shape me into the person I am now; the person with imperfections that my husband fell in love with 5 years ago and married 3 years ago. The person who couldn't be more in love and grateful for the little child that came out of that love. Because I'm here writing this for you in the hopes that what I went through might help you in your journey. Because when I say I'm here for you, I mean it.

"My "embracing my true beauty" process was slow. It's not easy to change the line of thought we have about who we think we are and replace it with who we really are and finding our true potential. It took me years to get to where I am now and I still have insecurities that want to take over; I just work on not letting them take control of my head. Just like driving a car, we are very conscious and thoughtful about our actions when we just learn how to drive but eventually they become second nature and you are able to focus better on the road ahead. The key is practice and the key to success is how often you practice".

With the Reveal Your True Beauty Team, we don't want to stop at giving you the push; we want to walk with you on your journey. We are working on some ideas and tools to help you so that you don't get lost on the way like I did. But even if you do, remember that everything happens for a reason. Life is full of blessings in disguise. Just get up and keep on walking. You are not alone.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith: A Wedding Reception Adventure

I received the news about my friend Matt's engagement through a text message from my husband during the intermission of The Nutcracker. My mom and I were getting back to our chairs when the phone vibrated. When I read the message I let out a big scream with a jump off my seat, forgetting for  less than a second where I was but it was too late to stop; I was in the middle of a 2 seconds celebration (and carefully with grace sitting back down as if everything was calculated; yes, it was a bit embarrassing hahaha!).

You see, Matt is my "brotha from anotha motha"; like my young sibling, the one you would think this day would never come to, despite how awesome he is. But the day had come and I HAD to be part of it.

I liked Sandra from the first time I met her. She is so sweet and kind. One of those people that you feel immediately at ease with, the ones you feel safe around because you know she has your back, even if you just met. That is the bright sweet energy that emanates from her. 

Matt and Sandra being their awesome selves, didn't want any of their photographer friends to work during their wedding; they wanted us to enjoy ourselves (though for me photography IS my joy, but I understood where they came from) so we split it between Stephanie Jager (ceremony) and myself (reception). I was very happy with this arrangement because it meant to me the opportunity to make something special for them while doing something useful instead of just sitting and listening through the reception; this made a huge difference to me. I had a blast!

I used a Canon EF70-200/2.8 II so I could capture a lot of candid moments from very far without people noticing I was doing that (Sneaky, eh?). From "paparazzi" portraits to groups and panoramic, I enjoyed playing during the wedding and I was able to make something special for my friends that will last a lifetime.

"All blessings be poured over the amazing newlyweds. May God be the head of your journey together, now and always. Love you!"