What Do You See In Front Of The Mirror?

Image via Anastasia Amour

As women we have a love/hate relationship with the mirror. You know what I mean: We'll check ourselves in every reflection we find wherever we are. As soon as we wake up in the morning and we go to the bathroom, we check ourselves in the mirror.

But what do you find there looking back at you? What crosses your mind?

- "ugh! Look at those wrinkles...!"
- "What an ugly belly"
- "My boobs are too droopy"
- "my boobs are too tiny"
- "I'm so fat"
- "I wish I had more curves"
- "eeek! Cellulite!"
- "I have horrible bags under my eyes"
- "I'm not pretty enough"
- "If only my hair has curly"
- "If only my hair was straight"
... The list goes on and on...

We are never happy with what we see so we bully ourselves. You might not see it that way but that's what it is. Self bullying. If you don't like the idea of someone verbally attacking you, then why allow yourself to do it? If we don't respect and value ourselves, how can we expect others to do it?

Image via @NaziraSacasa

The main reason of why I created the Reveal Your True Beauty experience is to give you a kickstart towards self confidence, self worth and ultimately self love by turning these concepts into a custom visual reminder to cherish for many years. Sometimes we need to see it to believe it; I know that's what I needed when I believed I was ugly for so long (READ: The Ugly Betty Story And Why I Want To Show Your True Beauty To The World).

Self confidence begins with self respect. I believe it is all a state of mind and that you can easily train your mind to be in the right state. There's only 2 things you need to do to achieve it:

1. Detect every time you are about to bully yourself and stop it.
2. Be consistent about stopping yourself and change your focus.

The more consistent you are, the easier it will be and soon you'll find yourself complimenting the reflection in the mirror instead of attacking it. It all goes back to finding joy.

For example:

- Rather than complaining about our wrinkles what about we see them as what they really are: marks of every single time you have smiled and laughed. "Thank you wrinkles for reminding me of the good moments in my life; I've had a happy life".

- Rather than complaining about droopy breasts, what about we see them for what they really are: Testament of intimate days and nights snuggling your little baby as you fed him/her. "Thank you droopy boobs for reminding me that I was able to feed and nourish my children once. Thank you because you are testament of the love I have for them, that I was willing to sacrifice my own body for their sake. I know what love really is about".

I could keep on going. Is this simple: focus on the garden, no the weeds. Look at the whole of the white tablecloth, don't focus on the little black stain. What's going to be your mind set? It's your choice.

You are not your body, you are your soul. That's what defines you and that's what makes you beautiful.

Wouldn't be nice to have to deal with less worries? We already carry many, why not reduce the list by erasing the little ones and focus on what's really important in our lives? (by little ones I mean the way our body looks).

The choice is yours. You might think it's hard but sweetie, the hardest part is the first step, just as the hardest part of going in the pool is the first dip.

How can you begin? Go to the mirror and give yourself a good look. Write it all down, the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm sure you will at first find more bad things than good; we all are like that and it's ok. Now, for every bad and ugly thing you find, you are going to write in front of it the positive version of it, the good of having the bad. For example: "I love how I can just brush my sleek hair easily and I'm ready to go; don't even have to style it, woohoo!" or "love my temperamental curls, the surprise me every day. Today we'll do..."

Yes, I know what you might say: "but there's nothing good about it!". Yes there is. Think hard. If it's too hard, ask a friend or someone that loves you for who you are.

And now get into action!

You are going to keep your relationship with the mirror but with new rules: every time you catch your reflection or wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, as soon as you find that you are about to bully yourself, say instead the positive version of it; change your state of mind.

There will always be other women with better or worse bodies than yours, so why compare? As long as you know you are taking care of your physical, emotional and mental health because you care about yourself, then you'll be ok. Only compete with yourself; that's were you'll find true happiness.

Image via PrettyInside

Revealing Lana: Passion For Other People

Hair and Makeup by Kada from Bombay Beauty Loft. Clothes from Studio Intent

Lana is a fun enthusiastic lady who fell in love with the concept behind Reveal Your True Beauty from the moment we talked. She is passionate about entrepreneurship but specially keen of entrepreneurship with a social mission. So is no surprise that she works behind the scenes of REAP Calgary and Kensington Village supporting everything local and/or sustainable.

I have to admit I enjoyed how awkward she felt at the beginning of her session because she made it fun. She would laugh about herself and joked about it and tried hard to focus to no avail but then the awkwardness disappeared and I was able to capture all of her awesome personality, specially her "daydreaming" (as seen above). I personally love it because you know she's processing, thinking, solving and creating ideas on those moments. Moments in which her eyes start drifting into oblivion as you are talking to her, and then all of a sudden she wakes up and tells you all about it with excitement. It's always fun and great doing creative pow wows with her.

As better described by one of her friends:

"Lana is a compassionate, enthusiastic person with great passion for other people".

In her own words:

"I would recommend this experience to other people because I think it's something we don't consider to do for ourselves... You get to keep these beautiful photos for many years... It reminds yourself how beautiful you are".

Want to know more about Lana's story? Check her video interview HERE

What Makes You Beautiful

Last year I had an enlightening moment. I was going through the specifics of the vision I have for my business; an exercise I try to practice regularly to keep my focus on the right path for the Reveal Your True Beauty experience. I was thinking about the lack of tools and guidance I had when a teenager and wondered how much it would have helped back then and how much more impact it would have at young age instead of adult life. 

I thought about the strength of my personal story and how, despite how hard it seemed at the time, I was able to understand it, overcome it and learn from it. I thought about how I could reach out to teen girls and be there for them just as I would have liked to have a positive guidance about what to do with myself in a world that was telling me that being myself was wrong. 

2014 was a big year for empowering women campaigns around the world. I knew I wasn't alone on wanting to help young generations so I googled it, plain and simple. that's when I found Young Women Of Power or YWOP. 

Their goal is simple: 

"When girls leave our conference they will go away embracing who they are, motivated to support other girls and inspired to creatively use their talents to encourage and uplift those around them."

“I am a Beautiful, Wise, Powerful Woman of Principle”

Does it sound familiar? Of course it does, it's so connected to what we do with Reveal Your True Beauty, I was so excited! I emailed Alison, the founder, and shared my story with her. She emailed back eager to meet and so we did. Now, I'm very happy to say I will be speaking to girls between the ages of 12 and 18 about finding beauty by learning to love.

As I'm organizing my ideas for the workshop, I can't stop but thinking that is something that women of all ages need to learn and so, I'll share it through here. Not as I will say it at the workshop but as it's created. As words and ideas come to mind to form the final speech but also more detailed than the final sketch will be. As you know, these are ideas that come to mind from a personal level, from experience in walking the journey of self discovery and self love. I'm not a professional in this matter, just someone who shares her thoughts hoping I can share with you a bit of light to help you find your own path.

On April 17th/15, I'll be one of the speakers at the annual workshop organized by Young Women of Power. 

What makes you beautiful is the capacity of learning to accept yourself and to forgive yourself in order to not think of yourself, so that your personal growth is focused towards being a better person for others, by staying true to who you really are. At the end, is the light that shines within you towards others that make you beautiful.

What? Please let me elaborate on that:

What happens when you check off things from a to-do list? You don't have to think of it anymore, right? It's done and gone. Accepting and forgiving ourselves are the ink and pen that checks off worries from our list. So what happens then? Those things you don't like about yourself, those insecurities that don't let you be who you are, are done and gone, leaving you with more time and energy to invest in better things to do. When you accept and forgive yourself, you understand yourself which makes you love yourself. 

What happens when you love someone? You give them your all; you like making them happy, you are filled with joy when you can help them be their better selves and when they make a mistake, you don't judge them, you give them your gracious hand to help them get out of the mud and try again, because nobody is perfect.

Now let's write again the paragraph above but with a twist:

What happens when you love yourself? You give yourself your all; you like making yourself happy, you are filled with joy when you can help yourself be your better self and when you make a mistake, you don't judge yourself, you show yourself grace to get out of the mud and try again, because nobody is perfect.

Now, let's hold on to that thought and let's read below a more universally known paragraph (and wiser too):

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT)

 Can you apply those words towards you?

When you get to this state of mind, it all comes effortlessly so you forget about yourself, because "yourself" is not a worry anymore. If you love yourself in that way, instinctively you'll do the same to others. That bright flame you've been working on inside you will grow into a beautiful lighthouse that guides others in their own paths. And all by being who you really are. Isn't it amazing?

So when you have the right focus towards yourself, it is not a selfish act but rather an act of selflessness because it'll be others who will taste the fruit of the work you do in yourself, because it is others who will see your bright light shine through and be inspired by your true being to also be their better selves.

All it takes is the first step towards the right direction. The first step might be the hardest but also so rewarding.

Be true to yourself to find your truth.

Revealing Terezia: The Power Of Overcoming Depression

Hair and Makeup by Kada Issa from Bombay Beauty Loft. Styling by Studio Intent Boutique

I first photographed Terezia almost 3 years ago. She needed author photos for her then upcoming book "Heart Of Love Evolution" (which is now a Bestseller). She knew exactly what she wanted but allowed me to play with that a little, which turned out into my images being front and cover of her book, so neat!

She has since become a sweet friend. Despite her struggle with depression, which she speaks openly about through her book, she is a wonderful joyful person who is not afraid to let her emotions be known. You know she IS happy to see you, not only because she says it but because all of her being smiles. She has a gorgeous big and sincere smile with a great sense of humour and a talent for chatting. Every time we see each other (which is not often considering she lives in Edmonton) we have a time constriction, but we always end up arriving late at our next commitment, because she is so fun to be around with, that you won't notice time flying by. 

A big warm hugger, Terezia came once more to me, this time for a Reveal Your True Beauty session and as always a blast and lots of belly ache laughter. She calls me her "personal photographer" and I must admit, I really like the title.

Her brother (an amazing loyal and caring brother by the way), always her close companion, best friend and confident, has been present at both her sessions. Here's what he has to say about Terezia:

"She's gregarious, outgoing. Caring and sensitive.

Intelligent. Likes intellectual games, conversation.

Enjoys gourmet food. Shy. Likes gardening and Scifi."

Terezia has come a long way. Since publishing her book she has become an Award winning author and a writer for Huffington Post, CNN and Beliefnet. If you're interested in following what she's up to, you can do so at www.tereziafarkas.com

Here is what Terezia has to say about her Reveal Your True Beauty experience:

"Second time Fela Dales had done my author photos. Drove in from out of town just so Fela would be my photographer. Her focus on revealing the inner beauty of women and young girls is inspirational. We definitely need more Fela's in our world! Thanks for an awesome time, the laughs and beautiful photos. See you a third time next year!"

Revealing Andi: The Strength Of A Single Mom

Hair and Makeup by Kada from Bombay Beauty Loft. Styling by Studio Intent

I've always admired single moms. When my son came in the picture, we were three adults raising him and many times we thought we weren't enough. He is a handful!

When my mom went back to Colombia, my husband had a business trip and I had a week living as a single mom. I consider myself pretty tough. After all, I have endured and achieved a LOT of things in my life and if there's something I'm proud of it's my focus on doing everything the best way possible -top notch. But boy did I get a lesson on humbleness that week! I was waking up at 6am and going to bed at midnight without stopping. I was literally crawling to get to my bed; sore and mentally, physically and emotionally drained. I'll admit it, I cried as I was resting my head on the pillow. So if I had admire single mothers in the past, now I have a deep respect. I had only one week but they get to do it non stopping!

Enter Andi. She's a wonderful woman, mother of a cute little boy who moved to Alberta to provide her son with the quality of life he deserves. With nothing in hand, this amazing lady began her business You and Me Music, focused in music education specializing in Early Childhood Music. And she is good, really! I invited her to my son's birthday party, a group of toddlers. She was able not only keep their attention through the whole 45 minutes (which we know is close to impossible) but towards the end of the class, they were following the rhythm, tempo and making music together. Even stopping when she gave them the signal. All parents were VERY impressed. Not only she has a gift with children, she also has a beautiful sweet voice and you can feel all of it coming from the heart. I wouldn't be surprise that's what makes the magic work.

When she came to the studio for her session, we had the nice surprise of her playing the flute while I was photographing her, just so that it would look realistic in photos. I admit I took longer doing this just for the sake of hearing her play; it was lovely!

Here's in her own words what the Reveal Your True Beauty experience was for her:

"Had a wonderful time! I felt really comfortable in 

front of the camera which is not my 'normal' state of 

mind when being photographed. Fela was great at 

coaching me along the way. It felt very natural! What 

a wonderful experience! Thank you Fela!"

Do you know Andi or maybe not? Leave her a note in the comment section below. Words of motivation go a long way! 

Finding Strength To Carry On, Even When You Don't Feel Like It

2015 Started with the wrong foot for me at a personal level. Even though I've been trying to keep my smiley face on and positive attitude, it's hasn't been easy. Especially when I got punched by a fist of bad news on the same week my son was having his second surgery. There was a new announcement every day that week.

Health problems with three family members, my mom going back to Colombia to help after being with me through all of my motherhood career ("I don't know how to be a mom on my own!") and wait for it: a call from the Women's Clinic telling me I had High Grade Dysplasia and needed a L.E.E.P procedure asap. Fun. 

Let's be clear on something: I'm not writing this to rant or to make you feel pity for me. I already had my dose of self pity, because I believe it is healthy to let negative feelings have temporary permission to burst out (I give them a couple of hours or a day, depending on how bad it is). Letting my negative feelings have free range for a limited amount of time  allows my strength and courage to have a rest, breathe, and come back with more power to face what I have to face because you can't simply run away from your problems. 

It's okay to take one step back if it's the one that will give you the impulse to stampede forward.

The reason why I'm sharing all these things with you is because we tend to believe that people with a positive attitude through life and those who always have encouraging words on their lips for everyone are on a pedestal and nothing hurt them or make them doubt about themselves. I'm constantly trying to remind everyone that nobody is perfect and therefore we shouldn't compare ourselves to anyone. 

This is me showing you my vulnerability, so that you know that we are the same. It is okay to feel defeated every now and then; to feel like you can't keep on going, to feel lost, to feel that you are not good enough, to feel angry, sad or cry for hours. But here's the game changer: 

How much freedom and power are you going to allow all these negative feelings?

And here is the reason why I give them temporary reign: To let them know I'M in control; not them. I let them burst because I want to; NOT because THEY want to. Keeping control gives me POWER over them. The next day, I write down a game plan:

- Which problems can I fix? I list them and each one gets it's own list of things I have to do to solve them and I get started right away. If I need help, I ask for it whether I feel embarrassed to ask or not.

- Which problems I cannot fix? Well, here's where my spirituality comes in play and this is personal to everyone. I don't care what religion or ideology you practice, but as long as you have one to hold on to, these problems will be easier than you could believe. I'll share with you how it helps me but YOU have to tailor it to what works for you:

Since I opened my heart to God, it has been quite the journey of learning to forgive myself (because God had already forgiven all my sins) and to learn to trust Him. I've always been the kind of person to try to plan and control absolutely everything, and most of it came to frustration because there are things you just can't control. So learning to trust Him was very hard. Many times I pass him the steering wheel hesitantly and most of those times I would rip it off His hands and try to do it alone, just to fail again. But I gotten better at it because I have found peace in doing that; all my fears are washed away, literally. For example, when I got the news of the High Grade Dysplasia, I couldn't think anything positive out of it. All I could think of was the probability of losing my uterus after talks with my husband of wanting to have another baby this year, or the probability of the L.E.E.P. not working and my Dysplasia developing onto cervical cancer. These fears try to hunt me constantly. But I can't control what's going to happen. I can only do my best which is to allow the doctors do what they do best and place it all on God's hands because He knows better than me what's in store for me. Because He won't put anything on my plate that I can't handle. Because if something bad Does happen, it'll make me stronger. These thoughts bring me peace. I was at peace the day before the procedure and the day of the procedure. The only time I felt nervous was thinking about how painful the procedure was going to be. To my relief, apart from a little spot where the freezing anesthesia didn't work, it was completely painless. 

How do you find the strength to carry on, even when you don't feel like it? Would love to hear about your experience and learn from you too. I'm always on listening and learning mode!

Revealing Nash: The True Beauty Of A TV Host

The first time I met Nash, she took over my photo booth installation at the CAPD Fundraiser Gala event to interview the organizers for her show (inside joke).

The second time was at Sustainable Style YYC where I recognized her and help her find her way through the event. We exchange cards and we soon were meeting over coffee and talking like a pair of "wet parrots" who needed to catch up on each other's lives and dreams as if we had found each other after a long separation.

As described by her husband, Nash is:

"smart, strong independent and tenacious, loving mother and wife. Great spirit and tender heart". 

When we talked about what Reveal Your True Beauty is about, she immediately fell in love with it and asked me if she could film us for her TV Show the next time we had a session. My answer was: 

"I don't think you'll get the grasp of what Reveal Your True Beauty REALLY, truly is, by filming someone else's session. YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT TO FEEL IT. What about we film Your session instead?"

She hesitated and got nervous but immediately shook herself out of it, puffed her chest and said with a nervous laugh: "Ok. Let's do this. I'm so nervous already!"

With the help of her faithful, professional and perfectionist videographer, Mauricio, from Amaca Productions, we began the little adventure of filming everything from beginning to end for her TV Show Conectate con Nash for OmniTV. 

The Result: A fun episode where you can experience through Nash's shoes a Reveal Your True Beauty Session, which you can watch below. Though must of it is in Spanish, english is spoken in some parts of it and language doesn't really affect the viewing experience but rather give you a better insight of it all, in case you were wondering of course (which I hope you were!).

NASH, FELA PHOTOGRAPHY REVELA TU VERDADERA BELLEZA from AMACA PRODUCTIONS on Vimeo.


In Nash's words, the experience was:

"I have to share my wonderful experience with Fela Photography in this great project 'Reveal your true beauty'. Such an amazing way to help people feel like a super star! Since I had this experience I felt comfortable to wear different lipstick colors, try new fabrics and I learned about myself,;I recommend this experience :) thank you girls, you have a great project and a wonderful team!"

If you know Nash, share with us why you think she's a truly beautiful woman in the comments section below. Let her know how amazing she is in your eyes. Words of affirmation can go a long way.