Being Different: You Are Not Alone

Despite that we are being told constantly that we shouldn't care about what people say, the truth is that it DOES affect in one way or the other. It affects because it is human nature to feel approved. Approval make us feel included and feeling included make us belong. We aren't made to be isolated individuals but individuals inside a community.

Now, you might be thinking about those who go against it all and think my words are incorrect. Even though these people seem to go on their own, the truth is they are not alone in the journey the chose; they just haven't found their way to their community.

When I was in school, I felt like I didn't belong. I was a "law abiding teenager" (which is uncommon); I wouldn't do things I believed were stupid choices, always measuring the consequences of those choices. I was called dumb for not joining. Passionate about learning, with a huge imagination, always dreaming high, full of ideas, but they were called silly by others. I studied hard because I wanted scholarships so my mom wouldn't worry about not being able to pay my school- a hunting worry. I was hated quite a lot because of that; my peers simply didn't understand the reasons behind my "nerdiness".  I wouldn't help my classmates cheat during an exam and I knew it would be uncomfortable to deal with them after class being called names, getting shoes thrown my way and even not letting me out of the classroom. Many of my ideas were thrown to the curb as one makes a paper ball and throws it to the trash. It was frustrating and confusing. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong because everything seemed to be against me but it was in my nature; I couldn't rub it off or perhaps I was very strong willed without meaning it. I know of people who are amazing, talented and choose to lower all of their selves just to belong. People who choose to dumb themselves before being rejected.

When I started University everything changed. My classmates were like me. I was still the more nerdy of the class but I was not made fun. Instead, I was being seek for advice, for help, people wanted to hear my ideas and be part of them and I grew more in that time than I did in so many years with my school peers. The difference? I found my community. I wasn't flying solo anymore.

After many years and circumstances that shaped my life into a muddy situation in which I was stuck, I knew I needed to leave my birth country. Who I was just didn't fit well anymore so I end up in Canada. After a week of living here I knew this was my place. That was 8 years ago. During these 8 years I have still feel strongly about that thought and this week I finally became a canadian citizen. It hasn't been easy but it has been gratifying and I have been blessed in many many ways, big and small. I'm flourishing as a person and as an artist. My skills have found their way to help others through Reveal Your True Beauty. I'm blessed but I know I'm still growing and the path is long with bumps on the way. I'm not scared about that. Sometimes overwhelmed, sometimes stressed, sometimes completely ecstatic but not afraid.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and listen to your soul. But really listen to it, in humility and honest truth with yourself. What does it say? Ask questions: What do I truly believe in and why?

It's easy to feel like you don't belong in your own little world, city or even country. Your views of life clash against those of your peers and you feel rejection. You might feel that perhaps you are wrong because everything and everyone around you tells you that. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and listen to your soul. But really listen to it, in humility and honest truth with yourself. What does it say? Ask questions: What do I truly believe in and why?

Now here's the thing: if it's something you truly believe, educate yourself. Learn about what you believe and learn about the opposite too, because being blinded to other points of view make you a foolish person; but learning other perspectives brings wisdom and understanding.

Being blinded to other points of view make you a foolish person; but learning other perspectives brings wisdom and understanding.

Now seek. Seek like-minded people. Find your community. The beauty of living with internet is that you can do it from your own home but don't forget to take the trip and talk too. Living it is another thing and you learn more from the experience. 

You are not alone; just in the wrong place. If everything and everyone around you works against you, break free, find your solace- Find your happiness. Find your True Beauty.

What Do You See In Front Of The Mirror?

Image via Anastasia Amour

As women we have a love/hate relationship with the mirror. You know what I mean: We'll check ourselves in every reflection we find wherever we are. As soon as we wake up in the morning and we go to the bathroom, we check ourselves in the mirror.

But what do you find there looking back at you? What crosses your mind?

- "ugh! Look at those wrinkles...!"
- "What an ugly belly"
- "My boobs are too droopy"
- "my boobs are too tiny"
- "I'm so fat"
- "I wish I had more curves"
- "eeek! Cellulite!"
- "I have horrible bags under my eyes"
- "I'm not pretty enough"
- "If only my hair has curly"
- "If only my hair was straight"
... The list goes on and on...

We are never happy with what we see so we bully ourselves. You might not see it that way but that's what it is. Self bullying. If you don't like the idea of someone verbally attacking you, then why allow yourself to do it? If we don't respect and value ourselves, how can we expect others to do it?

Image via @NaziraSacasa

The main reason of why I created the Reveal Your True Beauty experience is to give you a kickstart towards self confidence, self worth and ultimately self love by turning these concepts into a custom visual reminder to cherish for many years. Sometimes we need to see it to believe it; I know that's what I needed when I believed I was ugly for so long (READ: The Ugly Betty Story And Why I Want To Show Your True Beauty To The World).

Self confidence begins with self respect. I believe it is all a state of mind and that you can easily train your mind to be in the right state. There's only 2 things you need to do to achieve it:

1. Detect every time you are about to bully yourself and stop it.
2. Be consistent about stopping yourself and change your focus.

The more consistent you are, the easier it will be and soon you'll find yourself complimenting the reflection in the mirror instead of attacking it. It all goes back to finding joy.

For example:

- Rather than complaining about our wrinkles what about we see them as what they really are: marks of every single time you have smiled and laughed. "Thank you wrinkles for reminding me of the good moments in my life; I've had a happy life".

- Rather than complaining about droopy breasts, what about we see them for what they really are: Testament of intimate days and nights snuggling your little baby as you fed him/her. "Thank you droopy boobs for reminding me that I was able to feed and nourish my children once. Thank you because you are testament of the love I have for them, that I was willing to sacrifice my own body for their sake. I know what love really is about".

I could keep on going. Is this simple: focus on the garden, no the weeds. Look at the whole of the white tablecloth, don't focus on the little black stain. What's going to be your mind set? It's your choice.

You are not your body, you are your soul. That's what defines you and that's what makes you beautiful.

Wouldn't be nice to have to deal with less worries? We already carry many, why not reduce the list by erasing the little ones and focus on what's really important in our lives? (by little ones I mean the way our body looks).

The choice is yours. You might think it's hard but sweetie, the hardest part is the first step, just as the hardest part of going in the pool is the first dip.

How can you begin? Go to the mirror and give yourself a good look. Write it all down, the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm sure you will at first find more bad things than good; we all are like that and it's ok. Now, for every bad and ugly thing you find, you are going to write in front of it the positive version of it, the good of having the bad. For example: "I love how I can just brush my sleek hair easily and I'm ready to go; don't even have to style it, woohoo!" or "love my temperamental curls, the surprise me every day. Today we'll do..."

Yes, I know what you might say: "but there's nothing good about it!". Yes there is. Think hard. If it's too hard, ask a friend or someone that loves you for who you are.

And now get into action!

You are going to keep your relationship with the mirror but with new rules: every time you catch your reflection or wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, as soon as you find that you are about to bully yourself, say instead the positive version of it; change your state of mind.

There will always be other women with better or worse bodies than yours, so why compare? As long as you know you are taking care of your physical, emotional and mental health because you care about yourself, then you'll be ok. Only compete with yourself; that's were you'll find true happiness.

Image via PrettyInside

Revealing Terezia: The Power Of Overcoming Depression

Hair and Makeup by Kada Issa from Bombay Beauty Loft. Styling by Studio Intent Boutique

I first photographed Terezia almost 3 years ago. She needed author photos for her then upcoming book "Heart Of Love Evolution" (which is now a Bestseller). She knew exactly what she wanted but allowed me to play with that a little, which turned out into my images being front and cover of her book, so neat!

She has since become a sweet friend. Despite her struggle with depression, which she speaks openly about through her book, she is a wonderful joyful person who is not afraid to let her emotions be known. You know she IS happy to see you, not only because she says it but because all of her being smiles. She has a gorgeous big and sincere smile with a great sense of humour and a talent for chatting. Every time we see each other (which is not often considering she lives in Edmonton) we have a time constriction, but we always end up arriving late at our next commitment, because she is so fun to be around with, that you won't notice time flying by. 

A big warm hugger, Terezia came once more to me, this time for a Reveal Your True Beauty session and as always a blast and lots of belly ache laughter. She calls me her "personal photographer" and I must admit, I really like the title.

Her brother (an amazing loyal and caring brother by the way), always her close companion, best friend and confident, has been present at both her sessions. Here's what he has to say about Terezia:

"She's gregarious, outgoing. Caring and sensitive.

Intelligent. Likes intellectual games, conversation.

Enjoys gourmet food. Shy. Likes gardening and Scifi."

Terezia has come a long way. Since publishing her book she has become an Award winning author and a writer for Huffington Post, CNN and Beliefnet. If you're interested in following what she's up to, you can do so at www.tereziafarkas.com

Here is what Terezia has to say about her Reveal Your True Beauty experience:

"Second time Fela Dales had done my author photos. Drove in from out of town just so Fela would be my photographer. Her focus on revealing the inner beauty of women and young girls is inspirational. We definitely need more Fela's in our world! Thanks for an awesome time, the laughs and beautiful photos. See you a third time next year!"

Finding Strength To Carry On, Even When You Don't Feel Like It

2015 Started with the wrong foot for me at a personal level. Even though I've been trying to keep my smiley face on and positive attitude, it's hasn't been easy. Especially when I got punched by a fist of bad news on the same week my son was having his second surgery. There was a new announcement every day that week.

Health problems with three family members, my mom going back to Colombia to help after being with me through all of my motherhood career ("I don't know how to be a mom on my own!") and wait for it: a call from the Women's Clinic telling me I had High Grade Dysplasia and needed a L.E.E.P procedure asap. Fun. 

Let's be clear on something: I'm not writing this to rant or to make you feel pity for me. I already had my dose of self pity, because I believe it is healthy to let negative feelings have temporary permission to burst out (I give them a couple of hours or a day, depending on how bad it is). Letting my negative feelings have free range for a limited amount of time  allows my strength and courage to have a rest, breathe, and come back with more power to face what I have to face because you can't simply run away from your problems. 

It's okay to take one step back if it's the one that will give you the impulse to stampede forward.

The reason why I'm sharing all these things with you is because we tend to believe that people with a positive attitude through life and those who always have encouraging words on their lips for everyone are on a pedestal and nothing hurt them or make them doubt about themselves. I'm constantly trying to remind everyone that nobody is perfect and therefore we shouldn't compare ourselves to anyone. 

This is me showing you my vulnerability, so that you know that we are the same. It is okay to feel defeated every now and then; to feel like you can't keep on going, to feel lost, to feel that you are not good enough, to feel angry, sad or cry for hours. But here's the game changer: 

How much freedom and power are you going to allow all these negative feelings?

And here is the reason why I give them temporary reign: To let them know I'M in control; not them. I let them burst because I want to; NOT because THEY want to. Keeping control gives me POWER over them. The next day, I write down a game plan:

- Which problems can I fix? I list them and each one gets it's own list of things I have to do to solve them and I get started right away. If I need help, I ask for it whether I feel embarrassed to ask or not.

- Which problems I cannot fix? Well, here's where my spirituality comes in play and this is personal to everyone. I don't care what religion or ideology you practice, but as long as you have one to hold on to, these problems will be easier than you could believe. I'll share with you how it helps me but YOU have to tailor it to what works for you:

Since I opened my heart to God, it has been quite the journey of learning to forgive myself (because God had already forgiven all my sins) and to learn to trust Him. I've always been the kind of person to try to plan and control absolutely everything, and most of it came to frustration because there are things you just can't control. So learning to trust Him was very hard. Many times I pass him the steering wheel hesitantly and most of those times I would rip it off His hands and try to do it alone, just to fail again. But I gotten better at it because I have found peace in doing that; all my fears are washed away, literally. For example, when I got the news of the High Grade Dysplasia, I couldn't think anything positive out of it. All I could think of was the probability of losing my uterus after talks with my husband of wanting to have another baby this year, or the probability of the L.E.E.P. not working and my Dysplasia developing onto cervical cancer. These fears try to hunt me constantly. But I can't control what's going to happen. I can only do my best which is to allow the doctors do what they do best and place it all on God's hands because He knows better than me what's in store for me. Because He won't put anything on my plate that I can't handle. Because if something bad Does happen, it'll make me stronger. These thoughts bring me peace. I was at peace the day before the procedure and the day of the procedure. The only time I felt nervous was thinking about how painful the procedure was going to be. To my relief, apart from a little spot where the freezing anesthesia didn't work, it was completely painless. 

How do you find the strength to carry on, even when you don't feel like it? Would love to hear about your experience and learn from you too. I'm always on listening and learning mode!